Friday, February 23^rd, 2024.

Dear Diary,

Its Rose again… My life is in shambles as always again and I’m coming on here to write about it because that is what my therapist says to do. She says a 25-year-old that has a history as extensive as I do with as little support as I have, needs to have an outlet to get my anger out. Seeing as I don’t want to go to the gym and be around a bunch of people who will most likely just judge me the way everyone does, here I am. writing to you once again. I don’t know how this is going to help, but I will give it a try. Where do I start? Do I act like you are an old friend that I am talking to, or do I talk to you as if we have never met and I have to explain everything to you? Maybe I will just tell you the cliff note version of my life and go from there?

Diary…. Maybe I will refer to you as Friend since that might be more “healing”

Friend, my name is Rose. I am 25 years old I was adopted unwillingly by my grandparents because my parents were too young and irresponsible to raise me. They were irresponsible due to bad parenting by my grandparents, who might I add hated each other, and I’m pretty sure they hated themselves as well. My grandmother committed suicide while I was a child, and I am the one who found her in the bathtub… at the young age of 8 years old I have been familiar with death, loss, blood and gore. I started going to therapy shortly after that because department of child services got involved because the school complained that I was drawing pictures in art class that were “too violent” (insert rolling eyes here) I was just telling a story about love in my drawing, and apparently its not love when you are being choked till you are blue in the face. I was placed with many foster families after that. I ended up aging out of the system when I turned 18 then the state helped me get into my own apartment. I have had friends in my life that I thought were true, but then like everyone in my life, they showed me their true colors. Currently I am dealing with some health concerns. I noticed a lump in my breast and went to the hospital to get my 1^st ever mammogram, something that isn’t supposed to happen till you are in, at earliest your 40’s. This doesn’t surprise me though, at this point nothing does.

I like to think of myself as a normal girl that wants normal things. I’d love nothing more than to meet prince charming and have my feet swept away, get married and have a couple children all to live happily ever after. I watch romance movies just as any girl does. but to me they all seem like lies. I haven’t been able to find prince charming and I am beginning to wonder if he even exists. So anyway…ya..I am sitting here awaiting the results of my breast exam.

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