Dear Diary,
My therapist says I should do this every day, so I plan to get better at remembering but time seems to slip by so fast. This week started out rough. Work has been so frustrating lately. Tips have been down and I’m pretty sure it got something to do with my attitude. But it’s hard acting happy when I’m anything but. The results of my scan came back and there is a tumor in my breast, so I had to schedule an appointment to have a biopsy done to test it for cancer. This whole experience has really been messing with my head lately, puts things into perspective. It has been affecting every aspect of my life. Which is weird because usually I am such a cold hearted, blank, empty shell of a human that I don’t feel anything. Going into this at first, I thought, “well if I get cancer then at least I won’t have to live on this dang planet anymore.” I can honestly say that I don’t feel like that anymore. Those feelings are fading, and I very much would like to live! I am thankful for my job because I can put myself on autopilot and not have to really think, I just shut my mind off and just work. I do already suffer from body dysmorphia, and I can only imagine how much worse it would be if I lose my breast. I need both of them! On the plus side, that would give me an excuse to go a size bigger! I’ve never needed breast implants but if I had to get them anyway… why not! I could take away all of Candy’s customers then! That would be a plus in this negative situation.
-Rose-